


Odd One Out

by starwreck



Series: Angsty Haven [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Na Jaemin-centric, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Platonic Soulmates, Polyamory, Romantic Soulmates, Sad Ending, Sad Na Jaemin, Soulmates, jaemin gets hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:40:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22160452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwreck/pseuds/starwreck
Summary: Jaemin and Jeno are boyfriends but Jeno has two other soulmates that only three of them are bonded together while Jaemin only has Jeno, so he feels out of place in the relationship.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Angsty Haven [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1941331
Comments: 51
Kudos: 265





	Odd One Out

**Author's Note:**

> It's a full fledged angst fic :)  
> vv self indulgent  
> will probs have a sequel

Jaemin isn't alone.

He has his boyfriend, Jeno.

Jaemin isn't lonely.

He has Jeno's two other soulmates with him, Renjun and Donghyuck.

Yet why does he feel so lonely even when all of them are together? Jaemin knows clearly he doesn't have his soulmate's two soulmates' names on him but he tried, he really did try his best to love them the way Jeno would want him to.

And he did. Jaemin did love them. He loves them three although unequally, considering the two weren't _his_ soulmates but Jeno's and somewhere deep in his heart, he doesn't think he suits in the perfect picture of the three soulmates. Three soulmates who have one another's names and their bond strengthens when they share strong feelings.

Jaemin tried his absolute best. 

Yet nothing can defy the fact that Jaemin doesn't belong with them, not when he keeps on getting forgotten and unintentionally ignored most of the time.

The first time it happened, Jaemin thought nothing. They were discussing about pets. Renjun and Donghyuck were animatedly bickering on which pet was better to take care of while Jeno was quiet, only interrupting to say cats. When Jaemin tried to share his opinion, it felt like his words were a passing breeze, no one responded to him, not even his own boyfriend. He thinks it is normal to get ignored in a conversation with three to four people.

The second time it happened, Jaemin didn't care much. Jaemin was alone in class, wondering where his boyfriend and his two soulmates were when the teacher was already in and the three weren't. He texted Jeno to ask for his whereabouts and received a text saying that the three were skipping school for a movie date, attached with a picture of them with popcorn. He thinks they merely forgot to ask him too.

The third time it happened, Jaemin felt slightly hurt. Donghyuck had asked Renjun and Jeno to come to his home to introduce them to his parents. _Only_ Renjun and Jeno. No Jaemin. Not even inviting him as a friend or a soulmate to his soulmate. What hurt him was the fact Jaemin was present when Donghyuck invited them and he smiled apologetically, saying that his parents _only_ wanted to see his soulmates. Jaemin thinks it was fine to be left out.

The fourth time it happened, Jaemin cried by himself on the way back home. Jeno and him were on a date, _alone_ , to make up for all the time their dates got cancelled or raided by Jeno's other soulmates. They were perfectly having fun until Jeno received a call in the middle of their date and the look of utter shock and concern couldn't explain much even with Jeno's apologies and a _'Renjun got hurt, I need to go,'_ were what left Jaemin alone. He doesn't know why Jeno didn't ask him to come along, was he unnecessary? He thinks it was better because Jaemin couldn't control his sobs.

There was a fifth, sixth, seventh and countless more that happened after and with each, Jaemin's heart felt like it was torn apart slowly. His bright positive demeanor continuously dimmed and faltered yet none of them noticed, even his beloved boyfriend didn't as Jaemin made sure to put on his widest smile to assure him everything was fine.

But it wasn't.

Jaemin finds himself getting left out more, not included in their soulmate dates and Jeno barely asks him about his day anymore as he was occupied with his two other soulmates. 

Jaemin laughs to himself, the words he kept on reminding himself back then bit him in the ass. 

_I can share Jeno. He has a big heart. It's enough to fit all three of us. I trust him he wouldn't hurt any of us. He wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't._

Jeno technically didn't hurt him. Jaemin wasn't even sure anymore. Everything is all jumbled up in his mind. 

_Jeno loves me._

_Renjun loves me._

_Donghyuck loves me._

_...Right?_

The more Jaemin thinks, the more his heart is in pain and it drags him down. He scoffs as he walks to school, _alone_. Jeno was supposed to pick him up but as usual, he would forget or didn't have the time to pick him up. Not even a single text to tell him about it. Now that Jaemin thinks further, he hasn't had a decent conversation with his boyfriend for awhile. 

With how attached the three soulmates were at all times, Jaemin can't get rid of the feeling his place wasn't here, wasn't there with them. 

And there they were, the three of them huddled together, arms linked tightly as they walked to school a few steps in front of Jaemin. 

Jaemin is strong.

He doesn't cry in public.

Jaemin is tough.

Yet everything in his life seems to fall apart. 

Was he even considered a soulmate to them? To Jeno, at least? 

Jaemin's shared apartment with Jeno becomes more and more lifeless ever since Jeno decides to spend most of his nights with his two soulmates who were coincidentally also roommates. Their place was also more strategically cheaper and closer to their university and Jeno's workplace, so he never really goes back to _their_ home. Maybe once a week to get his clothes.

Jaemin watches his soulmate coming to university with his other soulmates, laughing brightly, as bright as the blue sky and he feels his heart dimming intensely. Jaemin doesn't even share any classes with Jeno, so if he's lucky, he would see Jeno during lunch and if he's not, he wouldn't see him at all.

Jaemin only realises now that Jeno isn't by his side 24/7, he barely has any friends to hang out with. He has casual ones that he would say hi to while passing by but no real _true_ friends to be there for him. Did he really go through years of his life with Jeno as his soulmate slash best friend that spending a day without him then seems fine but not anymore. 

Jaemin doesn't even go to have lunch at the cafeteria and only orders food or bringing his own lunch. Usually, he would pack lunch boxes for Jeno too but he thinks Jeno would be eating well with two soulmates with him rather than Jaemin alone. Jaemin spends most of his free time at home too, unlike before where he would go out and enjoy his day with some shopping and activities that he did before with Jeno.

Considering Jeno's absence at home, Jaemin stops going out and even going as far as to turn down politely every party invitation to watch some crappy movie at home, cross legged and snacks on the table in front of him. He has seen pictures and heard a lot of stories from Jeno's endeavours during parties. 

Parties that Jeno never liked to join.

Parties that Jeno never enjoyed to begin with.

Parties that Jeno now goes to with his two soulmates.

Parties that Jeno never bothered to invite Jaemin to.

Parties that Jaemin feels like would have crushed his heart if he went.

One usual night where Jaemin is seated in front of the television in the living room, hand holding onto a scoop of vanilla ice cream. He remembers promising Jeno to eat the ice cream together with him since it was Jeno's favourite but he thinks the promise would be useless by now.

Jaemin can even say the ice cream is only what's left of Jeno in their home. 

_When people said soulmates were meant to be, they didn't think enough for people with more than one soulmate._

_It's pathetic that I keep on waiting for you when you keep on forgetting me._

Jaemin closes his eyes, letting a tear escape and roll down his cheek. He quickly wipes it with his sleeve, afraid of staining the ice cream. A bitter laugh leaves his mouth. 

_Nobody told me love would be this painful._

Suddenly, Jaemin hears the password of his home keyed in and the door opening. His heart jumped excitedly, anticipating the only person he madly wants to see. Jeno appears, entering their home with staggering steps and letting the door close shut. 

Jaemin stands up, puts down the tub of ice cream on the table and rushes to Jeno's side to catch his wobbly drunk ass. 

"Jeno? How much did you drink?"

Jeno whines, hand making its way to wrap around Jaemin's waist tightly. "Not much, hehehe." Jeno replies, giggling after and Jaemin huffs disgustedly from the smell of alcohol coming out of Jeno's mouth. He brings Jeno to their room with difficulty since Jeno couldn't even walk straight.

"Why are you alone, Jeno? Where's Renjun? Donghyuck? Weren't they with you?" Jaemin asks as he puts Jeno down on the corner of the bed gently. Jaemin forcefully pulls away Jeno's protective hold on his waist which made Jeno pout voluntarily, kicking his feet too.

"They were. My lovely soulmates, Hyuck and Junnie." Jeno giggles, cheeks flushed red. "I-I miss them, where are they?" he pouts, body landing back on the bed. "I wanted to give them some privacy, you know? P-R-I-V-A-C-E. Eh? C-Y, that's right, that's right."

"What are you talking about, Jeno?" Jaemin sighs, shaking his head slightly at Jeno's drunken antics.

"I sent them home first then came here. Aren't I a good boy?" Jeno asks, opening one eye to look at Jaemin.

"And why did you come here?" Jaemin asks back, running his fingers through Jeno's messy black hair. "I thought you preferred staying with them,"

"I miss Nana," Jeno replies with a yawn, subconsciously leaning into Jaemin's touch. "Haven't seen him in so long. Wanna see him, wanna touch him, wanna hold him." 

Jaemin doesn't even realise tears welling up in his eyes until it stung, so he looks away. "Is that why you came back here?"

Jeno hums, "Wanna kiss him too, wanna kiss Nana." He leans closer to Jaemin almost chest to chest and brushes their lips together.

Jaemin misses this. He misses Jeno. He misses Jeno's touches and being this close to him isn't making him feel better at all. Instead his heart cracks and tears apart slow, tantalisingly slow that he feels the pain pulling him down.

Instead of kissing Jeno, Jaemin pushes him away. "Go to sleep, Jeno. You need it," Jaemin says, patting Jeno's head gently while Jeno smiles slightly. "Before that, let's go brush your teeth, hm?"

Jeno nods like a puppy, grabbing Jaemin's hand delicately and the other chuckles from his cuteness. Jaemin brings him to the bathroom and makes him sit down on the toilet bowl as he grabs Jeno his toothbrush. Jaemin passes him his toothbrush and Jeno starts to brush his teeth drowsily. Jeno slowly begins to get sober. 

Jaemin watches him finish brushing his teeth while he leans on the door, crossing his arms on his chest. Jeno puts back his toothbrush a bit groggily and washes his face. He looks at Jaemin from the mirror and Jaemin sends him a curious look, walking over to massage Jeno's neck.

"You feel better? Do you wanna vomit? No? I'll go get you some water, you must be thirsty." Jaemin says, turning around to leave the bathroom but he gets pushed to the wall instead with his front facing the wall and a loud yelp escaped his lips.

"Ow, that fucking hurts, Jeno. Hey, Jeno! Let go of me," Jaemin struggles to push away the still drunk man from him but he underestimated Jeno's strength even while drunk.

Jeno leaves no space between them, caging Jaemin in his arms and placing his head at the back of his neck. "God, you smell so good, Nana." 

Jaemin scoffs, trying to elbow Jeno's ribs but Jeno grabs his wrists, pinning them above him. "If you showered and shampooed your hair, maybe you'd smell like this. Now, let me go, Jeno."

Jeno ignores Jaemin's pleads, continuing to take a whiff of Jaemin's scent, burying his nose on his nape and tickling Jaemin with his hair. "No,"

"No? No?! Hey, I'm tired and you're tired, Jeno-yah. Come on, get off me and let's get you to sleep." Jaemin whines and uses strength to turn around while shimmying his hands away from Jeno.

Unexpectedly, Jeno slams his fist on the wall, holding Jaemin's waist with his free hand and pulling him close. "I'm thirsty, Jaemin."

"I'll get you water, wait he–"

"For you, I'm thirsty for you." Jeno says and Jaemin could only take in Jeno's half lidded eyes before he's being pulled in for a hot kiss that involved tongue swiping across his lips almost instantly. Jaemin lets out a soft moan into the kiss, turning Jeno on that the latter roams his hand under Jaemin's shirt.

"I want you, Jaemin. I want you," 

_Do you now?_

Jaemin bites his trembling lower lip, throwing his head back as Jeno moves to pepper kisses on his neck. "Y-you're, ah! Just drunk, Jen. No, please." 

"Shh, it'll be over, Nana." Jeno cups Jaemin's face, giving him a passionate kiss while his knee spreads Jaemin's legs and he touches Jaemin's groin with his knee, eliciting a whimper from the younger.

"J-Jeno! No, pl-please. S-stop this," Jaemin's legs go wobbly and he falls down to the floor. "Jeno," he pants tiredly yet Jeno gives him no mercy, pulling back Jaemin's hair and rubbing his crotch on Jaemin's cheek.

"Suck me off, Nana. You can do that much, can't you? For me?" 

Jaemin looks at him with pleading eyes, silently begging him to stop but Jeno is still under the influence of alcohol and his lust dominates his mind, so he holds the back of Jaemin's head gently while shimmying out of his pants. 

_I'm not in the mood for this._

Jaemin sighs but he opens his mouth reluctantly. No matter how disappointed Jaemin is with Jeno, he wouldn't try to push the latter away because he can't bear the thought of Jeno leaving him once he does.

Jaemin does what he is told to do, sucking Jeno off while kneeling on the cold tiles of their bathroom. He feels exhausted but the soft moans from Jeno motivates him to pleasure Jeno and finish it as quickly as he could. 

Jeno groans when he feels his cock hitting the back of Jaemin's throat and he opens his eyes to see Jaemin struggling to suck him. 

"You're so pretty, Jaemin-ah. Too pretty, always pretty for me." Jeno singsongs tenderly while his hand movements were the opposite as he thrusts inside Jaemin's mouth as fast as he could. 

Jaemin lets out soft sounds, tears running down his cheeks pathetically. Jeno finishes as fast as he starts, pulling out of Jaemin and comes strings of ropes onto the floor. Jaemin pants heavily, jaw swollen and hung wide open. Jaemin lets out a pained cough, his voice hoarse from the violent face fucking.

Jaemin coughs again, his throat tightening painfully and he closes his eyes when the familiar sting in his eyes appeared. Unable to control himself, Jaemin hugged his knees to his chest tightly, letting his tears fall down and the sound of his heart-wrenching sobs echoed in the bathroom.

Jeno, surprised by Jaemin's cries, immediately crouching down in front of his crying boyfriend. "J-Jaemin, wait, I-I'm so sorry. Sorry, I'm so fucking sorry, Nana. I'm sorry," He wipes Jaemin's tears softly with the pads of his thumbs. 

Jeno's face contorted miserably, a wash of guilt drowns him as Jaemin's tears doesn't stop and his sobs get louder. Jaemin looks up at Jeno with teary eyes and Jeno sighed, pulling Jaemin to his chest as gentle as he could.

Jeno whispers sorrys and apologies to Jaemin's ear, rubbing his back comfortingly. Jaemin's sobs subsides and Jeno decides to carry him in his arms bridal style. Jaemin rests his head on Jeno's chest exhaustedly, closing his eyes shut. 

Jaemin is already so tired of crying and every time he thought he wouldn't cry anymore, he does. It's a never ending routine.

Jeno places him down on the bed softly while Jaemin avoids looking at him. Jeno makes him lay down and he spoons Jaemin in his arms, hugging the younger one as tight as he could. Jaemin turns around so Jeno faces his back instead. Jeno pulls the blanket over them, snuggling close and pressing tender kisses on Jaemin's shoulder as an apology.

"I'm sorry, Nana. I'm really sorry. I-I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, baby. Did I hurt you?"

Jaemin feels too tired to respond so he shakes his head slowly and a quiet mumble. "No,"

"I'm sorry, forgive me, Jaemin."

_Of course, Jeno. I could never hate you, no matter what you do. You're forgiven because this fool loves you too much._

Jaemin wakes up the next morning feeling colder than he ever was. Jeno isn't in bed other than the short note by his side that Jeno already went to class and he'll drop by in the afternoon to feed Jaemin. Jaemin crumples the note, throwing it into the trash bin and gets out of bed. His jaw still hurts but he could still withstand the pain. The pain in his heart, on the other hand, he couldn't.

Jaemin ignores the note, texting Jeno a dry message saying that he doesn't need to come back home because Jaemin would be at school. He turns off his phone after, not wanting to see the reply. 

When his last class ends, Jaemin feels extremely drained from not having enough sleep and the stress is making him less livelier. He doesn't talk to his friends as he makes up an excuse of not finishing an assignment when he just wants to be alone.

He thinks he wouldn't see Jeno or his two other soulmates yet luck isn't on his side today when he bumps into them while on the way to the toilet. Jeno gives him a neutral look and Jaemin feels heartbroken at the fact that he doesn't quite remember what exactly happened the night before. Renjun and Donghyuck give Jaemin a friendly smile and Jaemin tries to reciprocate it but it comes off as a grimace.

It takes Jaemin three seconds to realize what the three soulmates were doing in the toilet and he already has the need to vomit out his lunch. He waved them goodbye with a curt smile and rushes into the toilet.

Jaemin locks the door to the toilet cubicle, sitting on the toilet cover, knees up to his chest and face in the middle of his knees. He cries silently. The tears that escaped his eyes wet his pants terribly but he makes no effort to stop crying. 

Everything feels like a pain. Even breathing was. 

He doesn't know how long he spent crying his tears in the toilet that day but no one looked for him, so it was probably not long. Once the tears stopped, he closed his eyes shut, trying to calm his heart down. 

If Jaemin could rewind time back, he would have never asked Jeno to go to an arcade further than their usual one. He would have never asked to go get ice cream that day. He would have never told Jeno to buy him one. He would have never.

Knowing that _he_ was the reason Jeno met his two soulmates made him let out a pathetic laugh. 

Jaemin was the one to meet Jeno first.

The one to befriend him first.

The one to like him first.

The one to love him first.

The one to date him first.

The one to have Jeno's name on his body first.

But why? Why did Jaemin feel like Jeno was slipping through his fingers, forgetting him and close to leaving him?

Since when did Jeno get two other soulmate names that weren't Jaemin's? Since when did Jeno get so attached to them? Since when did Jeno love them as much as he did to Jaemin, if not, more? Since when did Jeno realize he _doesn't_ love Jaemin anymore?

Jaemin knows none of the answers.

So, when Jaemin gets injured quite badly after a small car crash accident which involved no deaths, he doesn't expect any of them to be with him at the hospital. He truly did not. Maybe that is why it hurts more. To wake up alone in a hospital room, knowing he was right all along.

Gratefully, his parents stayed with him, took care of him. His mother asked once about Jeno but she drops the subject when Jaemin's face changed drastically at his boyfriend's name, looking as if he was gonna break down any second now. She pulled him into her small arms yet Jaemin felt even smaller in her warm embrace which comforted his sadness, a tad bit. 

Jaemin cries in his mother's arms that night.

The next morning in the hospital was quiet and Jaemin was wide awake. He has been, for a while now. His thoughts were a mess, most of them were wondering about Jeno and his whereabouts. Why hasn't he visited him even once? Did no one contact his boyfriend slash soulmate that Jaemin is in the hospital? Had Jeno not even contacted him for the whole time?

All Jaemin did the whole day is stare out the window, looking at the bright blue sky until it turned dark and cloudy. Yet still no Jeno.

A pitiful smile plastered itself on Jaemin's lips. He felt so sorry for himself for hoping. Hope. That's all he could do. Hoping Jeno would eventually come.

Suddenly, the door is abruptly opened and Jaemin's heart skips a beat, a glimmer of hope tells him it's Jeno and when he turns to the door, his heart drops slightly.

"Hi,"

Jaemin gives his visitor a small smile as they make their way to his side. Sitting down on a chair, his visitor tried their best to smile at Jaemin as if realizing his pain.

"Hi, Hina." Jaemin greets.

"I heard from my parents that your mother said you got into the hospital. So, I came to visit you,"

"Thank you, I appreciate you coming here." Jaemin says, his smile slowly faltering.

Hina sighs softly, placing her hand on top of Jaemin's hand. "It's been hard for you, hasn't it?"

Jaemin chuckles dryly, closing his eyes and rearranging his thoughts. "I guess you could say so,"

"Jeno...he didn't visit?" Hina asks bluntly, eyeing Jaemin's reaction and she is proven right when Jaemin's expression completely falls.

Jaemin shakes his head, "No, he didn't."

"I'm guessing he didn't try to call you too." Hina caresses the back of his hand comfortingly. "I'm sorry, Jaemin. I'm sorry you had to go through this. It's tough when you have more than one soulmate and knowing that–" she sighs.

"It's okay, I'm fine." Jaemin mumbles and Hina squeezes his hand. "I'm fine being treated this way. It's pathetic that I have to remind myself about it every day. I know Jeno isn't _only_ mine. He has three soulmates and I'm really just the odd one out. Only Jeno is soulmates with me and maybe that's why it hurts more, you know? Knowing that I have a soulmate but my dear soulmate doesn't care much about me like he does to his other soulmates.

"Who am I kidding? I'm not fine, not fine at all. I feel like dying every single day and everything isn't helping at all." Jaemin confesses, biting the inside of his cheek to not cry.

"Jaemin," Hina calls softly.

"Do you remember when I got hurt before?" Hina nods, hand squeezing Jaemin's hand. "It's stupid of me but the first thing I thought when I woke up in the hospital wasn't _was I going to be okay?_ or _what happened?_ but _what if Jeno leaves me?_ "

Hina doesn't reply but she feels Jaemin's grip tightening.

"I'm pathetic. Out of everything, I really thought what if he left me? Because I really don't have anyone else besides him. So, if he leaves me, I'd be alone and I can't cope with that. Not when I've lived more than ten years with him. If he suddenly leaves me, I'd be too heartbroken."

"Jaemin-ah," Hina calls out, clutching Jaemin's hand with both of her hands. "Don't, please. I know what you're thinking right now but please, don't do that."

"What choice do I have, Hina? At the end, I'm still gonna be alone." Jaemin smiles bitterly, covering his face with his other hand.

"You're not. I'll be here with you. Your parents will. Your hyungs would. You have so many people loving you, Jaemin."

Jaemin laughs dryly, "Do I? What use of so many people loving me when the _only_ one I want isn't?"

Jaemin presses call on his phone. A picture he took a few years back shows up on the screen and Jaemin's heart breaks a little as he remembers the details of that day. He remembers being in love with his boyfriend and that his boyfriend loved him as much as he did.

The call goes on dialling, ringing and Jaemin almost gave up when it doesn't get picked up after four rings went by but they finally answered the call and Jaemin's heart speeds up erratically.

"H-hello? Jeno?" Jaemin calls out softly. His throat burns but he holds it in, swallowing his saliva to make it up.

" _Jaemin? Um, Jeno's kinda sleeping right now."_ Jaemin's heart drops once he recognizes the person on the other line.

"O-oh, is he? Well, um. C-can you wake him up for me right now? It's kind of...urgent." Jaemin bites down on his lower lip, trying his best to not break down during the call.

 _"Huh? He's still tired but yeah, okay, I guess."_ Jaemin hears the phone being put down and some sheets ruffling then to Donghyuck wakes Jeno up. 

_"What does he want? Yeah, yeah, I'm up."_

Jaemin takes in a deep breath, listening to Jeno picking up the phone, yawning. _"Jaemin?"_

"Jeno, I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep right now but can you come meet me?"

_"Now?"_

"Yes, Jeno, now. I need to talk to you. I'm at the hospital and it'd be–"

_"Wait, what? Why are you there?"_

Jaemin sighed although a part of him fluttered at the thought of Jeno being slightly worried for him. "It's nothing, Jen. Just–Just come here, please?"

_"Sure, can they come too?"_

Jaemin gulps down his saliva, closing his eyes shut. "No, I want to see you alone, Jeno. Please, for once." 

_"...Okay, I'll be there. Text me your room number,"_

If Jeno noticed how Jaemin's voice cracked at the end, he doesn't mention it.

Jaemin spends the next half an hour in anxiety, legs folded to his chest and his nail is ruined by the constant biting ever since he ended the call with Jeno earlier.

A gentle knock on the door snaps him out of his thoughts as he turns to look and see Jeno (When was the last time he saw him?) sending him a tight lipped smile while he closed the door behind him.

"You didn't tell me you got admitted to the hospital." Jeno says once he sits down on the stool beside Jaemin's bed.

_You didn't even bother asking where I was gone for two whole days._

"Didn't have the time to do. Doesn't matter since you're here already," Jaemin gives him a weak smile, stretching out his legs on the bed. "You must've been really busy for the past week, huh?"

"Yep! With my assignments and the date for my upcoming competition nearing, I got a bit out of it. Thanks to Hyuck and Renjun, I was back on track. They really tried to help me cheer up."

Jaemin purses his lips quietly. "...What competition?"

"Hm? My dance competition, remember? The one I told you I auditioned for with Jisung two months ago. We were so nervous but actually got accepted, so I'm really anxious now."

"Jeno," Jaemin whispers. "You never told me about an audition," he says, looking down at his clasped hands on his lap.

Jeno's mouth hung open for a few seconds, cracking his brain for a memory of that day until his eyes soften as if realising it _didn't_ happen after all. "Wait, I'm so sorry. It must've slipped my mind. I forgot to tell you I auditioned for this famous dance competition along with Jisung for fun but we were accepted after all."

"Congrats," Jaemin nods slowly, his heart tearing apart painfully. "You celebrated it with your soulmates last night, I suppose?"

"Yeah!" Jeno beams happily, Jaemin looks back at him and Jeno realises his mistake. "Wait, it's not like I forgot you, Nana. No, I just–you weren't there and I thought you were pretty busy with your assignments too,"

_Hah, if only I could laugh freely in front of you but I don't think you even deserve to hear it right now._

"It's okay, Jeno-yah. Won't be the first time you forgot me." 

"Jaemin-ah," Jeno says, gritting his teeth. "You know I didn't mean it,"

Jaemin lifts his head, looking at Jeno with an empty look. "I don't know anymore, Jeno. I don't know at all. I don't know you anymore. I don't even know anything."

"Nana, pl–"

"Listen to me first, please." Jaemin pleads softly.

Jeno eventually nods and slouches in his seat.

"Lee Jeno, you're my best friend. My boyfriend. My soulmate. The first person I befriended for so long. The first person I liked a lot, the first person I fell in love with and the first person I dated. My first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first date, my first everything. You are my everything–were my everything. You were mine. I love you a lot, Jeno. You mean so much to me and without you, I don't think I'll become this Na Jaemin in front of you.

"And because I'm with you, I learned what love is. What being someone's soulmate is like. What sharing soulmates feels like. In a way, I learned what heartbroken feels like and feeling like I don't matter–"

"You matter, Jaemin. What are you even–"

"Let me finish, please." Jaemin begs, closing his eyes to stop the tears spilling. "I-I learned so much with you. I know how being left out is, how being the second or third choice is like and how having my heart broken countless times. I know it all. You know why? Because that's what I've been feeling whenever I'm with you. Sure, you taught me love but you brought pain with you as well."

"Jaemin-ah, y-you're–" Jeno reaches out his thumb to wipe a tear that escaped Jaemin's eye. 

"Not the first time I cried because of this, Jeno. Truthfully. I'm tired. I'm done feeling like someone who doesn't belong with you. Maybe your grandmother was right after all. Not all soulmates get to be together at the end. There's always the platonic soulmates and no matter how much I love you, Jeno, maybe it isn't meant for us. There's no future in us, we're better off as friends...or strangers."

"Don't say that, Jaemin!" Jeno growls as he stands up with a screech from the stool he was sitting on. "How can you say something like that so easily? What makes you think that we're better off as friends? Do you not want to be with me? Do you not love me?"

Jaemin scoffs while tears rolled down his face freely. "Is it really _me_ or _you_? I love you, Jeno. I love you so much, I love you a lot but I really don't think the amount of love I have for you will make you love me back as much as I do, you know why? Because you're not in love with me anymore. You love me, I know you do but maybe it isn't the love I needed.

"Trust me, Jeno. Nobody should be feeling like what I did for the past year. You barely care about me, Jen. You forgot about me a lot of times. You rarely come home and you don't treat me the same way you used to. It's the end for us, I want to put an end to us I'm so tired, please. Please, Jeno. You won't miss me, you'll only remember me as your childhood sweetheart, someone you cherished when you were young. We can't go further,"

"Is that what you really want?"

"It's what we _need_ ," Jaemin replies, looking down at his fiddling fingers on his lap.

"So, this is where we end?"

"I guess so. It's hard to continue living like this. I'll let you go, Jeno. I'll let you go, so please let me go too."

Jeno holds out his hand to Jaemin and the younger looked confused at first yet holds his hand back nonetheless. "I'm sorry, Jaemin. You don't deserve this, I'm really sorry. Nothing I say can make you feel better right now, is there?"

Jaemin chews on his bottom lip while shaking his head no.

"You've grown up. We both have. I thought–" Jeno clears his throat. "I thought we would last forever. Ever since the first time I knew I was in love with you, I thought you would be my forever and I promised you that. I made you believe in that yet at the end, it's me who ruined it. Ruined us."

"Jeno,"

Jeno squeezes Jaemin's hand gently. "I'm sorry for everything, Nana. You were the best soulmate and I didn't appreciate it. I didn't give you the love you deserve. I constantly hurt you, made you feel lonely and you must have suffered staying by my side," 

A heart wrenching sob leaves Jaemin's mouth and Jeno pulls him to his chest, caressing the back of his head comfortingly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for making you cry."

Jaemin's sobs increases louder that Jeno's heart churned in the most painful way. Even if his feelings for the younger wasn't as strong as before, it still hurts to see Jaemin crying his heart out, especially when Jeno is the reason why.

"I don't deserve your tears, Jaemin. I can't believe I broke my promise to never hurt you or make you cry. I'm really sorry," Jeno whispers in Jaemin's ear while rubbing his back to soothe him.

Jaemin pushes Jeno away tiredly, eyes red and puffy as he tries to gather his remaining dignity. Jeno offers him a sad smile, taking away Jaemin's hands to dab his own sleeves to Jaemin's face.

"I wish you the best and the best only. Find someone who would make you happy and would love you and never, ever make you cry like I did. We're still soulmates, Nana but I understand if you don't want to see me anymore after this."

Jaemin doesn't reply so Jeno takes it as a yes. 

"I love you," Jeno says, making Jaemin look up at him in a daze. "Don't forget that, please. I love you," Jeno cups Jaemin's face and leans in to press his lips against Jaemin's.

If it was any other situation but this, any other time, Jaemin would have leaped into his arms and kiss him back happily but Jaemin knows the meaning of this kiss. A goodbye kiss.

Jaemin laughs to himself because even when his heart is already shattered, he still wants to make Jeno happy, so he kisses back although with no effort. Just a press of their lips together.

Jeno parts away and places a lingering, sweet kiss on Jaemin's forehead.

 _"Goodbye_ , _Nana._ "

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! 💖  
> Please leave kudos and comments :))  
> twitter @starwreck


End file.
